16 November 2009

Gratitude

Lately I have been feeling the need to take a few moments and express some thoughts. I'm not sure where the impetus to do this finds its origin - perhaps it's just due to the quickly approaching Thanksgiving holiday.

I have long since realized that I am a creature of habit. I tend to do many things in life in the same habitual way every day. When I shower, the first thing I do is wash my hair and the last thing I do is to shave - always in that order. When I put my shoes on I always put my left shoe on first followed by the right before tying them both. I always push the cereal down in the milk with my spoon before I can eat it (I don't like dry cereal). When I browse through magazines, I always start at the back and flip forward through the pages. You get the idea.

Anyway, the last several months I have found myself picking up one more curious habit. Before I start work each day I like to look through the local obituaries. I'm not sure why I do this. Maybe I've just reached the point in life where it isn't uncommon for people my age to die and I want to see who I've outlived. Whatever the reason, it has given me cause to pause and reflect over my life. Sometimes this process can be a very sobering experience as I have made many mistakes over the years. Occasionally I'm left feeling a bit embarrassed if not ashamed at some of the stupid things I've done during my life. However, more often than not, I am left feeling incredibly grateful for many things I've experienced over the last 43 years.

I am so grateful for my children. Regretfully my marriage to their mother didn't work out like I had planned, but I would make the same mistakes all over again to ensure my boys would be a part of my life. My children aren't perfect and neither am I, but I am constantly inspired by them as I watch them develop talents I could only dream of when I was their age. They have had many challenges to overcome even at this early stage in their lives and yet they have had the courage the deal with them. I love them so much for that. I hope they will always remember the God-given strengths they each possess and use them to bless the lives of others. I couldn't have asked for anyone better to call my sons.

I haven't quite figured it out yet, but for some reason God has blessed me with the most wonderful companion I ever could have hoped for. My sweet wife. I love her so much. She has helped me to keep a spark of hope alive in my heart when I had feared it had long since been extinguished. She has an innate ability to accept and love people for who they are. If only I could be half as good as she is! And with my wife comes two great stepchildren. They are amazing. They have had to share their mother with me and I know that is not an easy thing to do and they have accepted my children as their brothers. I have much to learn from them by way of acceptance.

Most people in general love their parents. I am no different. I have great parents. They have always taught me and my siblings what is right and they have done it by example. I know there have been times when I have disappointed them in the decisions I have made but I always knew they loved me regardless. I will always love them for giving me the chance to spread my wings and grow from life's experiences. We were never really a hugging family growing up and we siblings despised each other at times but today we all love each other and support each other. I really have a great family!

As I read over what I have written I have noticed it is beginning to sound like a farewell of sorts. That is not my intention. This is merely one of those count-your-blessings moments. Everything I have that brings me happiness comes from those people whom God has placed around me. He has allowed me to have a loving wife and children and live in an area that looks like it came straight off a post card. I will always be grateful to Him for that.

Anyway, as I have read many obituaries over the last few years I have come to realize that we never really know when its time to leave this existence to start another. More importantly, I have learned to be grateful for all that I have even though I probably don't deserve most of what I have been blessed with. Hopefully I can always remember that and maybe with Thanksgiving on the near horizon, you can too.

30 July 2009

Tears for the Sole

I'm sure most if not all of you out there are familiar with the phrase, "raise the bar". It's not a phrase that is hard to understand. Try harder. Improve yourself. Raise your standards. Most assuredly there are a plethora of other catchy phrases which share parallel meanings.
My wife and I often joke with each other that one of the reasons we get along so well is because the bar was set pretty low by our ex-spouses in each of our first marriages. In other words, it's doesn't require significant effort on each other's part to improve upon the marital experiences from our first-time nuptials. This doesn't mean, however, that we don't put forth a sincere effort to make this marriage work and help each other really be happy.
I think each of us really loves serving the other and we've learned it is the simple things that really oil this machine we call marriage. Doing the laundry when it needs to be done instead of being asked can do amazing things for my wife's psyche. And if I really want to brighten her day I just make dinner. It really is that simple. I thought she was on the verge of doing somersaults when she discovered I had secretly ironed her blouse this morning while she was in the shower. See, I raised the bar. I say this as I ceremonially pat myself on the back.
My wife does little things for me all the time too and I absolutely adore her for it. I think my favorite thing that she does for me is when she kills the spiders in the house. Not that I suffer from acute arachnophobia or anything, its just that I get seriously grossed out by all the guts when one of the said arachnids has to be put down...especially the big ones. And I must say that I love the little notes she sometimes leaves in my car. What can I say, she's a keeper!
Now having shared this, I must say that she caught me completely off-guard the other day. She needed a new pair of shoes so I offered to take her shopping and see what we could find. After trying several shoe stores, we finally found a pair she loved. They cost a bit more than she would have ever spent on herself, but she is most definately worth it. And with the purchase of one pair of shoes, you could get another pair at half price. It was a done deal and we left the shoe store with two pairs of shoes...count 'em, two!
I was feeling pretty good that I was able to do something meaningful for her, but then I looked over and she was crying. For a brief moment I panicked! What did I do? Feeling concerned, I asked her what the matter was. She said nothing was the matter. She told me how grateful she was for the shoes and for the fact that they didn't come with strings attached (no pun intended). Puzzled, I asked why she would think like that. She simply replied that in her former life, there were always strings attached with similar acts of kindness.
Every once in a while I am grateful the bar was set so low because it enables someone like me to more easily improve upon my wife's former relationship, but I also feel sad she had to experience such low standards. Hopefully with enough sincere and heartfelt effort I can raise the bar to where it should be. I must be doing something right though because my wife told me that of all her husbands I was her favorite - so far! Hopefully I'm her last one and there won't be anymore tears for the sole.

03 April 2009

The Joke's On Me

It seems life has a way of making you smile or even laugh at yourself. Admittedly, I don't like laughing at myself because that usually means I've done something stupid and I avoid such situations like the plague. However, sometimes life happens and happens in a comical way.
I like to tease. I don't mean to be unkind when I do it, but I really like kidding around - especially with my children and step children. The other night as I was finishing my dinner, my oldest step son entered the kitchen where we keep the family computer. He told his mom he wanted to play a song he liked for her that he had stored on the computer. As he logged into the computer I couldn't resist the chance for a little teasing.
While he was searching for his song I proudly announced that I knew which song he was talking about. Looking back it is painfully obvious that I didn't really think this through that well, because I should have swallowed the string bean I was eating before beginning my made up song about pretty pink unicorns.
I had just barely made it to the end of the first line when a partially chewed bean decided it had heard enough and slipped into my airway. Needless to say I couldn't retrieve it fast enough and so I ended my chorus gagging on my own food. My wife left the room laughing so hard tears were streaming down her face. Her children asked her if she was OK...never mind me standing over the sink struggling with a blocked airway. Ok, message received loud and clear...don't mess with her children!
I seem to be the brunt of a lot of jokes from my in-laws as well and they all stem from the same incident. If any of you have been to my house, you know there is quite a bit of gravel on the ground between where the driveway ends and the street begins. And I must tell you that I have very sensitive feet. I attribute this to the fact that I always wear shoes. I was never one of those kids that spent their entire summer barefoot and ended up with feet so calloused that shoes were not necessary. My wife however, was one of those kids.
Anyway, one late night last year I realized that no one had checked the mailbox that day. My wife was downstairs doing laundry or something so I decided to slip out and check for mail. Not wanting to bother with shoes, I proceeded to the mailbox. I managed to make it about 8 feet into the gravel - only halfway to the mailbox - before I realized my delicate feet couldn't take the pain of loose gravel. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself I wasn't a wimp and that I could just walk back to the house and quietly get my shoes, my feet reminded me that I was indeed a wuss and that I wasn't to proceed.
What was I going to do? I tried crawling off the rocks, but that was even more painful. It was nearly 11:30 p.m and I was stranded in my own front yard! As I was contemplating having to yell an S.O.S. to my wife and endure the horror of attracting the attention of my neighbors, I was suddenly aware I had my cell phone. Brilliant! Without thinking, I called my wife. She answered and was somewhat surprised to receive a call from her husband, who at last recollection, was sitting in the living room watching t.v. She was puzzled and asked where I was. I told her I was stranded on the rocks in the front yard and I pitifully asked her to bring some shoes out to me. Talk about complete humiliation!
With my slippers in hand, out of the house she came. She took one look at me and then she doubled over in laughter. Somehow she managed to hand me my slippers before collapsing on the driveway - completely overcome with laughter. She shared this story with all of her family who just feed on this kind of stuff. They will never let me forget. Even my own children ask me if I need an escort to go outside in case I get stranded again. Oh well, life should include laughter and in this case, the joke's on me.

Winter

Winds of winter
Are forever blowing,
Carrying the frosty chill
Of Summer's death.
Peering through a window
Silence envelops.
Evening shadows cling
For a hope of new beginnings
Opening future's door,
Seeking life's warm embrace.