It's been awhile since I have posted anything and I just thought I would take a moment for some senseless ramblings and perhaps meaningless observations.
Has the formula for paint changed? I can't tell you how many times I've tripped over a painted line. Either I have some serious coordination issues, or paint has gotten thicker over the years. Either way, there is no graceful way to pick yourself up after such mishaps.
Why is it that children (particularly your own) always vocally express their opinions about other people's habits when you are next to them at the store? According to my children, people who smoke have low IQ's and obese people shouldn't have candy in their grocery carts. And did you know there is no way to shush your children fast enough - ever.
For those of you who have ever had to teach a lesson in church...It doesn't matter how hard you prepare for your class each Sunday, the week you didn't have time to adequately prepare is the Sunday you have that special visitor from the Stake Presidency drop in unannounced. Is it a coincidence that it's also when you are trying to teach from the Book of Isaiah?
And could someone please tell me why it is that the moment you decide to go barefoot in the park that you seem to find the exact spot where somebody's dog decided his own yard wasn't good enough to poop in? Oh, and this happens before the park is officially open for the season so there is no running water anywhere for you to rinse out your toes.
For your information, milk always and mysteriously disappears sometime between the conclusion of dinner (when there was still plenty left) and breakfast. Like socks disappearing in the dryer, no one can ever explain this. Dry corn flakes are not good.
Have you ever noticed that when you stop by your favorite store's magazine section and pull a copy of Car and Driver that an issue of Cosmo always seems to fall to the floor (nasty side up) and attracts the attention of every woman nearby who now thinks you are a dirty old man?
Can anyone tell me why when I take a nap at home I usually wake up calmly, but when I take a nap in church I always wake up as though I'm falling from a tree?
I know you can sneeze at any time, but why does it need to happen so suddenly when you have a mouthful of mashed potatoes. Does anyone have a suggestion on how to politely evacuate your mouth of said potatoes before the inevitable splatter occurs?
I've obviously heard of Murphy's Law yet I'm always amazed when it manifests itself. Immunity from such a law would be nice, but until then maybe I can cover it over with some thick paint.
Has the formula for paint changed? I can't tell you how many times I've tripped over a painted line. Either I have some serious coordination issues, or paint has gotten thicker over the years. Either way, there is no graceful way to pick yourself up after such mishaps.
Why is it that children (particularly your own) always vocally express their opinions about other people's habits when you are next to them at the store? According to my children, people who smoke have low IQ's and obese people shouldn't have candy in their grocery carts. And did you know there is no way to shush your children fast enough - ever.
For those of you who have ever had to teach a lesson in church...It doesn't matter how hard you prepare for your class each Sunday, the week you didn't have time to adequately prepare is the Sunday you have that special visitor from the Stake Presidency drop in unannounced. Is it a coincidence that it's also when you are trying to teach from the Book of Isaiah?
And could someone please tell me why it is that the moment you decide to go barefoot in the park that you seem to find the exact spot where somebody's dog decided his own yard wasn't good enough to poop in? Oh, and this happens before the park is officially open for the season so there is no running water anywhere for you to rinse out your toes.
For your information, milk always and mysteriously disappears sometime between the conclusion of dinner (when there was still plenty left) and breakfast. Like socks disappearing in the dryer, no one can ever explain this. Dry corn flakes are not good.
Have you ever noticed that when you stop by your favorite store's magazine section and pull a copy of Car and Driver that an issue of Cosmo always seems to fall to the floor (nasty side up) and attracts the attention of every woman nearby who now thinks you are a dirty old man?
Can anyone tell me why when I take a nap at home I usually wake up calmly, but when I take a nap in church I always wake up as though I'm falling from a tree?
I know you can sneeze at any time, but why does it need to happen so suddenly when you have a mouthful of mashed potatoes. Does anyone have a suggestion on how to politely evacuate your mouth of said potatoes before the inevitable splatter occurs?
I've obviously heard of Murphy's Law yet I'm always amazed when it manifests itself. Immunity from such a law would be nice, but until then maybe I can cover it over with some thick paint.
5 comments:
THAT was worth waiting for! Nice post, bro. I loved it. Your musing on shush-ing children reminded me of the time A. told Voldemort, "My mommy says you're sick in the head."
Now there was a memory I was hoping to forget...LOL
That was funny and sooo true!
Try being a recent post-birth woman and dealing with sneezing issues. Mashed Potato sprays are preferable to uncontrolled urine sprays.
Yeah, I think you have a point there. I love not being a woman!
Post a Comment